Drinking the Kool-Aid

In my ongoing search to find what "it" is ... my dwindling resiliency has yet again spoken to me, as of recent - and here is what it had to show me:




First, I joined a "circle" within a large group called LeanIn some time ago and have, admittedly not be as engaged as I should be to learn, grow, and challenge myself to be the person I can be. From that group, I've been in smaller circles, surrounded by some amazing women (and men) who have pushed themselves to do exactly what scares the hell out of them to be who they were meant to be.  When it came to the topic of developing my own Personal Board of Directors, and another topic of bravery, I allowed myself to share my vulnerability and not only ask a few members to be on my Board but told them why I needed a push - they were supportive and responded in kind with many suggestions and support - and so this journey to scare the HELL out of myself slowly begins.


Secondly, my Aikido Sensei has this amazing (6th sense) ability of awase' (blending/perfect timing) when it comes to knowing exactly when to randomly reach out to me and my family.  As I look back on many of the times when I was feeling most challenged/frustrated/isolated, I'd receive a call/text/email from him, be it indirect as a group email with a (I shall call it hidden) message, or direct to me as a check in.  Throughout these check-ins, I have felt this gradual sense of needing to "get back on the horse" and rejoin my fellow Aikidoka on the mat and in living life again.  I have been MIA for the most part of over a year in dealing with family and health issues and my practice has suffered.  My Sensei has walked the talk and tells me to "come when I can" and that I am always welcome/part of the family.


My tendency to be "all-in" has not always served me well in the past because I dive into the deep end of the pool and try drinking ALL the Kool-Aid before I am ready (old habits die hard).   I am hopeful that my circle of support continues to grow and I slow my roll but maintain my course so that I may find that sense of balance again.  I am reminded by the image below (my sensei and his son, training in Japan) that we are all essentially children at different phases in life and continually learning.  May I find that inner strength to be that person I am meant to be!